Into the Heart of the Lover

Society, at large, tries to lock us into rigid gender role of what it means to be a man, how to treat a romantic partner and other friends. Often times, the behaviors expected of us are actually damaging to other people that we care about. They can even be damaging to us, emotionally and spiritually. 

Loving the self - we often say, “as soon as I accomplish XX, I can love myself more” What we need to learn is that you love yourself now, so that you have the motivation to reach and exceed that goal 

This is about self-acceptance, for the way you are now. Look at a potential or current lover - they may not be “perfect” in the judging, condescending eyes of the “general public.” But we can overlook those “imperfections” to love who that person truly is. This means not holding on to negative thoughts when mistakes are made, etc. It is wise to extend that same courtesy to the self. 

Not necessarily about compassion Compassion is wishing for the end of suffering. Rather, engage the suffering, embrace the shit, so that it can become a means of growth. This takes a higher sense of love to let one fail, retry and succeed; to learn from mistakes and grow; to transcend the toxicity


Traits of the Lover

  • Empathy
  • Idealism
  • Connected to the emotions of others
  • Understands social clues 
  • Passionate
  • Youthful

Negative Traits

  • Blindly enamored
  • Overly compassionate/ altruistic
  • Hostile sexism
  • Forced love
  • Addiction
  • Obssesive

Shame and aggression 

As an idealist, the Lover archetype can dictate unrealistic expectations of body image and behavior of self and others. 

Shame and aggression are an unfortunate part of our society that try to tell us what the ideal lover is. Giving us unrealistic body imagery though super-stimulation of all senses, leading to false expectations of self, relationships, performance and love.


Working with 

  • Take the time to be present, in the moment, with a relationship
  • Indulge wisely
  • Immerse yourself in an activity you love doing
  • Makes times for romance


Types of Love

  • Agape - sacred love - transcends the physical 
  • Thumos - passion for life 
  • Eros - romantic, intimate, passion, desire 
  • Philia - friendship, loyalty 
  • Ludos - playful love 
  • Pragma - long-term, developed over a lifetime, comfortable 
  • Philautia - self-love, self-care


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